Gullivera walked on to the dock. It was dirty and smelled like a jelly donut, with slightly more urine. The Greivously Unclean Pub was near the waterfront, and she could see its baby blue light even through the thick morning fog. She clutched her cat to her chest.

"Hush Princess, that nice young, virile man Obeso will be waiting at the bar. He's sure to help us. Just listen to his personal ad: SWM mid twenties. Full head of hair, athletic physique, enjoys tennis, swimming, and sailing. Looking for innocent adolescent female for next voyage. Meet me at the Greivously Unclean Pub at 12:00pm any night before Thursday. Wear something provacative. Ya Know, low cut, maybe...a little cleavage, skirt riding up your thighs so I can just barely see your white lace panties... are you taking this dictation word-for-word? Well, stop it, damn you, arrrgh." -OBESO "The Pirate"

She jogged the rest of the way to the pub, pausing at the door to straighten her hem line. Satisfied, she opened the door and spotted the bar.

"I'm looking for Obeso the ...eh.. Pirate.?"

The bar patrons uttered a syncronized gasp, partly because of the name of the dread Obeso, mostly because they couldn't find a tan line on her exposed thighs.

"I be Obeso, lass." a gruff voice said from behind her. She spun around to see the speaker's fat, bald, uncleanly face.

"Holy Shit! I mean...uh...the advert said that you were....uh.... athletic. "

"Arrgh, to Hell with the ad, lass! I be an athletic specimen, I'm into that Sumo rasslin'."

"Charming. Can I account your fierce stench to that?"

"No, dearie! That be me lunch! Herring and rat feces!"

"That's what that was. I couldn't quite place it..."

"Come over to me table and meet me first mate. (don't be alarmed, he's a wee bit lathargic)" Obeso the Pirate lead her to their corner table, where a clown lay sprawled across the floor, drooling on a small pillow.

"Git off the Bleedin' floor, ye lazy bastard! Arrgh!"

"Yeah, shure mom." the clown said as he snorted and dragged himself onto a chair.

"This be me first mate, Exausto the Clown. I saved him when his parents were killed by the Red Claw, a villainous band of mercenary thieves. I was under cover at the Circus usin' me fake name, Bruce Wayne. I pick-"

"Cap'n, that wasn't SNORT!! ZZZZZ"

"Oh, yeah. That was me favorite comical bookie! Exhausto I found in a dumpster with a half a quart of bean dip. That was a damn fine bean dip, though I had the runs for a week hence"

"That's all very nice, but..." "Aye, whar be me manners?! What I meant to say was, you've got yerself a ship, lass!" As they walked out of the bar, the sun began to cut through the fog.

"Aye, another fine mornin' at port!" Said Obeso, his stench rising with his enthusiasm.

"Letme show you to the ship." They walked unspeaking for a few minutes until they reached the dock.

"Thar be the lovely lass!" Obeso shrieked.

"That boat has no hull!"

"Aye!..........Aye! That be a pretty animal ye got thar! Ye be mindin' if I pets it?"

"No, got right ahead. Up you go Princess..."

"OH ME LORD IN HEAVEN! GET THIS RAVENOUS HELL BEAST OFF ME FACE!!!!!"

"Princess, stop that, you're tearing that poor man's eye out....."

"ME EYE ME EYE!!!!! GUNNER'S MATE IRKO, GET THIS FOAMING BITCH OFF ME FACE!!!!!"

"Shut up an leave me alone, Fat Ass!! I've got work to do," said the big angry man who was swinging his hammer at the pathetic framework of the boat.

"C'mere Princess," Gullivera said gently, pulling the cat off of Obeso's repulsive head. The cat began to purr as it nestled up against her.

"JESUS FUCKING H. FUCKING CHRIST!!! RUN FER YER LIVES MEN! IT BE FREE!! IT BE.....oh, thank the lord!! Ye have it under control. Don't be alarmed, men! I've got it under wraps! Go back to work."

"Hey fuck you, Mr. Fatty-Fat Fat-Fat!" Irko wretched.

"You be shuttin' up now ye lazy sack 'o shit!," Obeso sneered at Irko. He then turned to Gullivera.

"I've got to be going to get the proper permits. I may be a while getting back. If you behaving any questions, ask Irko. Bye now!" Gullivera watched him as he waddled towards his moped. She turned around and decidedto get to know Irko, since he seemed slightly less objectionable than Obeseo.

"So...ah...Irko, is it? Uh..what's the name of the ship."

"Damn fucking straight!"

"Excuse me?"

"Yer damned right!"

"About what?"

"Yep,"

"I asked you the name of the ship.."

"Yes indeed you did, you stupid whore!"

"Could you tell me the name of the ship?"

"What."

"What's the name of the ship?"

"Of course."

"What's on the cover of the log books?"

"No shit." "You're not making any sense."

"What's the name of the fucking ship."

"I'm asking you!"

"Well I'm fucking telling you!"

"Telling me what?"

"Hell, Yes!"

"Forget it, I'm leaving."

"Leave, then, bitch. I have work to do!" Gullivera wandered off on her own. She soon became sleepy, and because of the warm air, cool breeze, smell of the sea, and crushing blow to the back of her skull, she soon fell asleep.

She woke up on the forecastle of the most structurally unsound ship she had ever seen. Sea level was approximately 3 inches above the main deck. She was completely soaked.

"Aaaah!" She screamed, the coldness setting in.

"Aargh! I was wondering when ye'd be wakin' up!" Obeso chortled.

"Are we going down?!!"

"O'course not, lass."

"Then why the hell is this ship's top deck riding three inches in the water?!?"

"Lack of hull, I'd bet."

"Jeezus!"

"Don't be so upset. We don't have sails, oars, or a motor, either."

"What do we have?" "The luck o' the Irish."

"The Irish have been in a bloody civil war for years."

"Yer just impossible t' please, aren't ya lass?" Gullivera waded to the capatian's quarters.

"I'm gonna change my clothes, If you don't mind."

"Can I watch?"

"No!" She went inside and slipped on some of Exausto's (marginally) clean clothes.

"I'm wearing Exausto's skirt, Is that okay?" She called to Obeso, who was busy trying to find a knothole.

"Ye' go ahead, girl, he hasn't changed out of that damn clown suit since I've known him, anyway."

"Thanks." Gullivera took a minute to look around Obeso's quarters, now that she was into dry clothes. It was two stories high, with a ladder at the back. There were clothes and dirty personal items strewn about the room. There was also a stove and cookware, and a big dining table in the middle. Up the ladder there were sleeping quarters for all of the men. Obeso poked his head in the door,

"Are you decent (please don't be decent)?"

"Yeah, come on in."

"Aargh!.....Uh, well, Gulli, Dinner will be soon, so find a seat at the table and I'll pull the casserole out of the oven."

"Okay." Gullivera answered, sauntering over to the table. She picked a sock up off a chair and sat down.

"Where is everyone?"

"Aah, they be below deck, workin' on the engine."

"I thought you said the boat had no engine, or hull, for that matter."

"Aye." Gullivera sat as Obeso pulled his casserole out of the oven. It smelled better than he did, at least.

"Ahoy, Capn'" One of the men shouted as they began to pile in through the door.

"Hey boys, have a seat. This here's Gullivera, our Hapless Traveller friend. Gullivera, meet the men." He pointed to the first man.

"This here is Exausto the clown, him and Gunner's Mate Irko the Irate you already know. Next we have Nogo the-"

"Nope," Nogo piped in.

"Nogo the disagreeable, our navigator Satano the dishonest.."

"That's not my real name," He said, his black forked tongue slithering between his pointed teeth.

"You said it was..." retorted Obeso.

"I lied. My name is Earving."

"Oh, Shut the fuck up, Satano," Irko volunteered.

"Thank you," Obeso continued, "next we be having Imu the Absent, who doesn't seem to be here right now. And there's Psycho, our wench."

"Hi." Said Psycho, a large, burly man in a cute flower print dress. Suddenly, a ghostly image of Charlton Heston appeared out of the water and shouted, "Ramming Speed!" Irko promptly leapt up from the tabe and beat Charlton's ghostly ass into a bloody pulp.

"That was certainly odd," said Gullivera as she got up.

"Wait, that's not all," Obeso cautioned, "We also have Gaijin, our Japanese embassary."

"YARIMA~~~~" yelled the overly-agitated Gaijin.

"Our last mate, me thinks, be our super-duper seeecret weapon: Klypo the Masked Hassidic Moil Avenger." As he said this, a mysterious figure in a mask and cape, swinging from a limp length of rope smashed right into the ship's mast, and slid down. Everyone crowded around his limp and heavily splintered body. The words KLYPO THE MASKED HASSIDIC MOIL AVENGER were emblazoned on his chest.

"That's rather obvious, isn't it," Dan Rather commented.

"It's to cut down on confusion," Obeso answered.

"I'm still confused. Does he avenge hassidic masked moils, or is he an avenger who happens to be one," Gullivera wondered.

"What, a ridiculous answer?" said Obeso.

"Pardon me, are we having the same conversation?"

"You know, you can drink out of a human skull...."

"What the FUCK?!!"

"...but it's faster by train.."

Suddenly, Klypo woke up. "Moigel Shoigel, eat your muchael, Jyosef."

"Are you quite alright?" Gullivera haplessly inquired.

"Aaah, Kvetch mnach gvoigel."

"Irko, what's the matter with him,"

"Aah, Fuck You!" Irko responded.

"Uh, Exhausto, do you know what he's saying?" asked Gullivera.

"Yawn!" he replied and nodded off.

"Nogo, do you?"

"nope nope nope nope nope nope nope no no no no no no no no no no no no nononononononono..."

"Arrgg, Nogo be stuck in a rut again. Irko,mate, hit him will ye'?" Irko grabbed him and ruthlessly beat the ever-livin shit out of him against the wall of the mess hall/crew quarters. The rest of the crew decided it was time to head back to the crewquarters.

The next morning, Gullivera awoke to the sounds of the Los Angeles Police Department breaking down her door, closely followed by the Mafia.

"Answer the Goddamn phone before I put 40 bullets in your fucking head!"

"Yeah-a answer-a da phon-a!"

"O....K...Umm...Hello? There's no one on the phone. It's just a dial tone." Gullivera said, timidly.

"Just shut up and answer the fucking question, bitch."

"What question? Get that Halogen shit out of my face."

"Hey-a. Just-a do-a what-a you'r-a told-a!"

"Yeah! What happened that night?"

"We lived in this roofless house out in the ruthless woods. The house was haunted by some stupid motherfuckers, understand, and wildcats. This was so that when the sedatives passed by, they genked. One night, though, Sputnik got all snooty and decided to spend the night. The first thing Sputnik heard was the bucket 'o parts running around. I couldn't even find that lousy excuse for a car known as the Plymouth Valiant, but I knew that there were some criminally stupid infants somewhere. Suddenly something howled "Smashingly, Gilligan." I tried to brutally stab away, but I got tangled up in an old '45 of "I Got You, Babe." Now I knew the clogs were going to get me, lock me up in a Hassidic Jew, and probably feed me to some Jehovah's Witnesses. But, believe it or not, the Kenyans didn't even touch me. Fortunately, it was just a self-promoting dream."

"A likely story."

"That's-a some-a crazy-a shit-a!"

"Hey who the fuck are you?"

"We-a da Mafia-a"

"Die, you fucking olive-complective bastards!!!" Hails of gunfire rained down on the crew of the What, but luckily they knew exactly what to do. Using Nogo as a human shield, they ran to safety of dry deck. Obeso threw Nogo's lifeless body over the side.

"That was awfully non linear." Gullivera said as she came out from hiding. She stepped over the dead bodies of all of the cops and Mafiosos.

"Imu! Where's Imu?! Has anyone seen Imu?!! My God, we've lost her!!" Obeso ejaculated.

"Um, she's right here," hissed Satano.

"No she isn't, she was NEVER here!" signed Captain Kalypo The Hassidic Masked Moil Avenger.

"You know, my father was FDR, and he didn't really have Polio, he just used the wheelchair for the symapthy vote. You know, "opened" is a noun..." Satano droned.

"I think it's about time to get up," Gullivera sputtered.

"Rim check!! Reeeeiiim Check!!!" screamed Mohamar Kadahfi.

"What, the big fucking monkey?" Irko twitched.

"No, it's a medium ape." Psycho crooned.

"Naw, naw! That shit can't be regulation!" Irko convulsed.

"Um, I'm going to breakfast," Gullivera muttered.

"K'sottare!" Gaijin itta. They all sat down at the beakfast table/deck. For the first few minutes of breakfast there was the usual slurping and grunting. Then someone spoke up.

It was Thurston Howell III , and he said ,"My accomodations are simply awful, lovey!"

"He's right you know, we really need to get more provisions!" Captain Kalypo "Tenshinhan" the Hassidic Masked Moil Avenger from Ireland spot welded.

"Tenshinhan, Kimi ga tansho okama" Gaijin imashita.

"Aaargh, well we be pirates ben't we, let's pirate!" Obeso said to Co-Author 2.

"This is Co-Author 2, I read you Obeso. How would you feel if we just dropped an Aircraft carrier on you?"

"Yeah wouldn't that be schweet?" posed Co-Author 2

"Aargh! You wouldn't actually drop it on us, would ye?"

"Hey, Co-Author 2, you thinkin the same schweet thougt that I think I'm thinkin, you think?"

"Mon ingenious ami, there is a light bulb over your head!"

"What?! Where?! Oh my God, get it off me!"

"Hey you fuckheads, we're the story, would you mind gettin back to us?" Obeso spat.

"So I had my tongue up this chick's ass!" commented Andrew Dice Clay.

"Co-Author 2, prepare to drop aircraft carrier!"

"Cool."

As if you couldn't guess, an aircraft carrier and 4400 greatly disturbed Navy men fell from the sky and landed next to the What.

"Badass cop-out-plot-device, Co-Author 1!" Co-Author 2 high-fived.

"Word!" Co-Author 1 returned, "now let's get on with the "story"."

"Aaargh, Prepare to be boarded, you heavily-armed US Naval employees!" Obeso flatulated. Obeso climbed to the top of the masthead, and pushed Satano out of the crow's nest. Satano's blood-curdling scream gained the attention of the flight deck officer of the USS MIDWAY.

"Who the hell are you?" bellowed the FDO.

"I be Obeso, and I claim this ship in the name of Allah!"

"And how do you propose to do that?"

"Me and me crew be takin' over the ship, ye niggaz! And homeboyz about due fo' a snack!"

The FDO replies, "First of all, what crew? And second: "homeboyz due fo' a snack???!!!".

Obeso turned around to see his crew swimming overboard. "Come back here before I be cuttin' off your testes."

"Some of us don't have testes," Gullivera commented.

"I am a block of cheeze," said Steve, "but I still need a protractor!"

Obeso's frown turned upside down when he saw that the irate Gaijin had stayed aboard. Waving his fist, he yelled "If it be takin' me and Gaijin's lives, we'll take the ship!" His frown turned into an upside-down smile when he saw Gaijin plunging a knife into his belly.

"Hey, gimme my pencil back," Co-Author 1 shouted. "By the way, which one of us is Co-Author 1 and which one is Co-Author 2?"

"I'm a Leprechaun!" Commented Co-Author 1, as only Co-Author 1 could.

"Hey, Co-Author 2, you know the toilet mint in restrooms?"

"You mean the urinal deodorizer?"

"Yeah. Anyways, I walked into the bathroom: Dude was eatin' the mint!"

"You know, It's things like calling it a "toilet mint" that get these things started." Inexplicably, the entire crew was back and on the main deck of the aircraft carrier.

"Dude there's only one deck hodad?! Get it straight for I hang ten on your asses grandpaw." narrated OTTO the Gay Woodsman Surfin' Footnote Dude.

"Who said that?" Co-Author 1 posed.

"Dude it's like me dude! Man, I just slept on the four, I mean beach, for four months dude, and all of sudden I like ended up this "story" man , hodad! Ouch! Major crickies in the spiney!"

"What the fuckin' ever! Let's get back to the "story"."

"Admiral, someone's trying to take over the shippo!" reported the young squirrel.

"Fuck you?!"

"No, really!"

"Fuck you. Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You. Fuck You."

"Yes sir. Right away, sir!"

"Fuck You." The ensign ran up the stairs to the tower, the new standing orders for the crew under his arm.

"Sir, new orders!"

"Bitch, drink some Tang!"

"Sir, the Admiral says that the crew should disregard the lunatics with eerily descriptive names that have boarded, and are currently on the main deck."

"Dude!! One deck!! Get it straight!" quoth OTTO. Bafflingly, Obeso bounded into the room, wet paper mache in his teeth.

"Aaaarh! Aargh Aaaaaaargh Argh!"

"Ensign, get that lump of paper out of his mouth, I can't understand a word he's saying!"

"I be givin' the orders from now on! Aaargh! This here be the scratchiest paper sword in all the seven seas! Aaargh! Here be your new orders!"

"Sir, one of the madmen seems to have gotten "control" of one of the F/A-18 Hornets. Should we shoot to kill?"

"No, just keep me posted."

"Aaargh! That be me mate Exhausto, GO GET 'EM EXHAUSTO!" Obeso shrieked, "Your fate be sealed now!"

"Sir, he's discharged all the weapons out to sea, and he seems to be piloting the plane off the main deck, into the ocean."

"Dude, ferget it, man! You hodads aint never gonna get it!"

"Hey, holmes, what does "hodad" mean?" Co-Author 2 asked.

"It's a dude who always carries a board, but can't ACTUALLY surf." OTTO commented again.

"Aaargh! Dammit he fell asleep again! Ballarks! If he be survivin' I be killin' him."

"Not much chance of that. He's gone over the edge and exploded."

"Cut to the brig," Co-Author 1 suggested.

Meanwhile, in the brig, Gullivera brooded.

"How come I'm the only one in the brig? I didn't DO anything! There is a ship full of madmen on your top deck."

"Dude. One. Deck." OTTO interjected.

"Maddog, can you tell me where the justice is in that?"

"You think that's unfair," Maddog pondered, while sipping his brisk tea, "we had this crew member name of Mindy Mielkey, she was off giving head to Yaphet Kotto and they up and snatched her away. They locked her in a sauna with some boy named Kilometer Eagles. What's a real shame about the entire ordeal is that her and Yaphet were getting along really well, plus that Kilometer boy had like gigantism or something because he was 5,280 feet tall."

"My what an interesting anecdote, now would someone please GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Will the Riddler's dastardly plan work? Will our heroes make it in time? Find out next week: same bat-time same bat-channel!

Our story so far: Obeso is making a fool out of himself in the command tower. Gullivera is in the brig with Maddog, who, in turn, is wetting himself. Nogo, Gaijin, Exhausto = Dead. OTTO is hangin' ten in the bilge, below the main deck.

"Dude, don't start!"

Satano has stolen the uniform of the Admiral, and has taken control of the ship. He is holding the naked Admiral over the side of the main deck.

"Dude, don't make me fuck you up!"

Irko has managed to find a tantalizing piece of the ship, and has begun to eat the main deck.

"Dude, that's enough! WAAAAAGGGGHH!" OTTO said as he fell into the bilge.

"Aargh! I never liked him much anyway. He was a faggot, and a lousy woodsman."

"They prefer the term "heterosexually impaired"," Maddog offered.

"Yeah, Obeso, you're sleeping with PSYCHO!" Gullivera pointed out.

"Aaargh! What be your point?"

"Uh...I'm not gonna touch this one."

"This is your morale officer speaking. Your U.S.O. entertainment has arrived. Please join me on the main deck (fuck you OTTO) for Jimmy Da Hatt (wit 2 Tees) and his main man Propajok, with Prime Minister Chuan Leekpai on the scratch!!"

"Yo Wazzzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!! Just like the Dalai Llama they called him Cassius! Give it up for Propajok! Alright, Chuan, give 'em a little taste of the scratch!" Said Jimmy Da Hatt.

All of a sudden, they heard a cry of, "Mastadon Lion ThunderZord Power," followed by, "Git ready for my Hip-Hop-Kido," as the Black Ranger flailed, oh excuse me, kicked and punched his way across the main deck (Yo Mama OTTO) past Jimmy Da Hatt, and directly into a vat of boiling acid.

Then a villian from "Enter the Dragon" asked his bodyguard, "What the fuck was that? We didn't even touch him, he just danced into the acid." Seeing the dastardly villian on the main deck, Gaijin jumped down to face him. Unfortunately, he fell into the plot hole he had created by returning. Luckily, the villian and the entire crew of the Midway were pulled into the plot hole by the Tentacle Of Unlikely Situations. Propajok continued to wax eloquent, totally oblivious to the reality vortex. Jimmy Da Hatt walked. Chuan Leekpai resumed his former career of Prime Ministering Thailand. Propajok was dragged off of the stage to go be initiated as a member of the What. Maddog and Propajok were dragged onto the lack of deck of the What. As he was being dragged, Maddog began to tell a story while stroking his JOWLS.

"There was this one time when MINDY MIELKEY was giving head to Yaphet Kotto..."

"This girl's kind of a ONE TRICK MONKEY so after this let's not hear any MINDY MIELKEY stories."

"Well her name was actually Melinda. That was kind of all there was to the story. I don't really remember the rest, and I was hoping that one of you guys would tell me what happened."

"How in the hell would we know?"

"Dunno, Warren. I think your feet are actually uglier than mine?"

"Oh shit it's another one of those conversations where no one actually knows what's being said."

Captain Kalypo "Tenshinhan" the Hassidic Quarter Korean Quarter Chinese Half Ainu Eta Jew Masked Moil Avenger from Ireland embroidered from the sky, "Sivivon chamnek!"

"Aye, He be sying that we should be gettin' on with it." Obeso puffed.

"You mean you understand what he's saying?!" Gullivera panted.

"Aye."

"But you didn't before...."

"Aye. You can put yer clothes back on."

"I'm fully clothed, you sick fuck!"

"Aaargh, bring the two inductees!" Obeso bellowed. The men brought the two inductees to him.

"Aaargh, I hearby christen you "Maddoggo the Mentally Deficient" and "Propajoko the Monk Rapper." Irko, take 'em to their beds below decks."

"Um, Obeso, sir, I have a confession to make," Professed Maddoggo, "My name isn't really Maddogg."

"Aaaargh, I know. It be Maddoggo!!"

"No, that's not it. My name is really Mike."

Then, from the main deck of the Midway came a shrill cry. "Git the fucker!" Co-Author 1 shrieked. Co-Author 2 produced two crossbows.

"Yeaasss!" Co-Author 1 candy sprinkled. Mike made a mad dash for his bannna yellow Chevette, but was stopped short by two crossbow bolts pinning his head to the hood of his car.

"Bullseye!!" The Co-Authors high-fived. Mike and the car vaporized in a puff of revenge.

"I'm getting really sick of this shit," Gullivera lamented.

"It's like that old proverb 'Killing One Bird With Two Stones'!" Co-Author 1 pimp slapped. "Oh, by the way, what should we do with the fukkin' Midway. We can't very well leave it here........"

"What if we turn it into a pair of a really nice silk pajamas?" Co-Author 2 pontificated.

"What a fucking STUPID idea. Go for it." Co-Author 1 agreed.

The Midway turned into some green silk pajamas, which Propajoko The Monk Rapper promptly ate.

"You know, I want to say alabaster..." Mrs. Brown Said.

"Go for it." Co- Author 2 responded.

Gullivera stood in the ankle-high water on the deck of the ship, staring out to sea. She wondered why all this was happening. She wondered what was to become of her, her cat, and her uncle Leopold, whom she had stuffed in a foot locker back home, and forgotten about. She guessed that she would never see home again. She looked at the crew of the What, who had taken a free moment to form a human pyramid, and felt despair. The golden horizon reminded her that there was probably a "wedding" that she was missing. The prospect of never getting to her destination, or home for that matter, was becoming a reality. Rage grew as a twisted knot in her belly. She could no longer contain herself.

Jumping on top of a crate, she screamed at the crew, "Ya'll busta's better recognize!!!"

The crew put their clothes back on.

"I have had just about enough of this bullshit! Do you think that we could get back on fucking COURSE! I didn't hop your ship just to witness vulgar, sexist, and unrealistic occurances. I have places to be. I was supposed to go to my mother's house upstate. Now I'm in the Pacific!"

"One word: Greyhound," Psycho seethed.

"Shut up! I want out, and I want out now!"

"This is a quiz to see if you now bonus question, when?" Said Philip.

"See what I mean! That's Co-Author 2's brother! He's not on the ship!!"

"Oh, shit we're now in the Indian Ocean," yelled the National Geographic obsever.

"That's it! Stop the film!"

"I've looked upon the face of Agamemnon. Stop. Oh, wait. Stop. I was wrong. Stop. My life is worth nothing. Stop. I'm going to end it all. Stop. See you at the party next week. Stop. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

"PEKORI, PEKORI, BAG"

Naw, you didn't get off the hook that easy! There's plenty more left! You thought that just 'cause we wrote the words "the end" that it was actually the end, didn't you? It ain't that kinda party.

No, we're just kidding again. It really is basically over. Here's what happens to all the characters (in order of when we made 'em up), just so you won't lynch us:

Obeso the Pirate: Obeso had a nervous breakdown when he realized that his crew was the most dysfuntional in all the seven seas. He also realized that he had been fucking a man for years. He is now working as a bandicoot exterminator in Kuala Lampur.

Exhausto the Clown: Where were you? Didn't you read the story?! Dead.

Irko the Big Angry Bald Man With No Hair: Irko was a corrections officer at San Quentin until he had a "spat" with the head warden and staged a breakout. He later became a police officer and traumatised Co-Author 1 in 5th and 6th grade under the assumed name "officer hard-ass." He graduated from Harvard, majoring in anthropology and wrote a book on race relations titled "Kill 'Em All and Let God Sort 'Em Out."

Gullivera: Gullivera is now pregnant with Nogo's child. Yeah, we know he's dead. She's down with that shit.

OTTO the Surfer Footnote Dude (AKA OTTO the Gay Woodsman Footnote Dude): You remember that guy in Robocop who fell into that toxic waste, dude? Nuff s'aid.

Imu the Absent: The crew finally realized that the reason that she wasn't around was that they had keel-hauled her for a prevoius offense and forgotten about her.

Nogo the Disagreeable: Nogo is now working permanent deep salvage.

Satano the Dishonest: Satano is now the President of the United States.

Psycho the Wench: Psycho is now the President of the United Arab Emirates.

the Yellow Bastard: I'm sorry, the guy is dead. We can't think of a quip. Get over it.

Captain "Satchmo The Fish" Kalypo "Tenshinhan" the Hassidic Quarter Korean Quarter Chinese Half Ainu Eta Jew Masked Moil Avenger from Ireland, and several other communist nations +4-3 @ yo mama with wonderful raisin frosted marshmallows: He died while introducing himself to the President of North Yemenk, which you geography buffs know is one of the last five communist nations and has no president.

James McDougal-o, Door-to-Door Caber Salesman: Okay, we didn't actually introduce this one......... But the name! Look at it! It's so COOOOOL!

Propajoko the Monk Rapper: Propajoko is now Supreme Overlord of a very small portion of Thailand. We talkin' small. Homefry gotta stand on one foot just to stay in the mo'fucker.

Maddoggo: Dude, it was Mike Peterson. You would have killed him too.